Is Marriage Loosing Its Importance In Our Society?
59Is society still marching to the alter?
While I do not have the latest statistics, or pie charts to support my theories, all I can offer is what I have taken notice of for the last twenty years. I am a single mother of one from Chicago, and at 37 years old, have never been married. This has made me very aware of the married people around me, because I often wonder would I be happier if I were married?. Married people have their own problems, just like singles do, they're just usually different problems. I have noticed that a few of the husbands of my girlfriends, really don't like their wives hanging with a single woman (even though they all know I am not wild and crazy). I have been a bridesmaid three times, and to be honest, I often felt like my girlfriends could of done better.
Back to the subject of whether marriage is loosing it's importance in our society, it's just a matter of the cycles people are following from generation to generation. Basically, I have noticed most people I know who are married, come from parents who have endured long marriages. Way back in the 40's,50's, and 60's there was shame in not becoming married by a certain age. And you would also bring shame to your whole family. Lot's of pressure. That's how most usually ended up in loveless marriages. Going back even further than the 40's, a lot of cultures looked at marrying off their daughters as a way to unload a kid. One less mouth to feed. Some put pressure on their sons to go out, and produce as many offspring (preferably males), to keep the family name going for generations.
When divorces started happening more and more, maybe around the 70's-80's (but again, this is my observation only), families were literally torn apart. Children ended up in therapy, or just screwed up for a long time, legal battles for kids and property became ugly and expensive. It seems like people are trying to avoid all this, by getting to really know the person they are going to marry. Living together, and testing the waters just became the safer,cheaper way.
I don't oppose marriage, I believe it can be a beautiful thing, I just don't think it's for everyone. If I have gotten my facts mixed up, I welcome comments to correct me. But, mostly, I am just stating things from how I have seen them.
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I agree with much of what you say here. People get married too quickly and then get divorced quickly. I think if people took their time first and were not in a rush there would be a lower divorce rate. My aunt never got married back in a time when it was considered improper not too, but I always thought she was a very strong person. She had a career and enjoyed life very much. This was a very interesting hub.
Thanks to Ananta65 for the proposal (almost) That's the closest I ever been to one, but mainly due to a lot of dodging and weaving. My friend tried setting me up with a paramedic in the hopes we would marry. She's married to a fireman, who didn't want her hanging with a single, they dug up this extremely uninteresting man(a close friend of the husbands), so we could be a happy foursome. I have no idea what the three of them are up to, I hope they found a nice fourth wheel.
Thanks Sweetiepie for your comments, I am happy for your aunt. I look forward to reading your hubs.
CITYmom,
I enjoyed reading your hub. You make several good observations about marriages and trends, which my experiences support. (e.g. your comment about cycles. I think the word pattern would work better, since cycles suggest that it is an on-going never ending pattern. Another observation was the increasing divorces in the 70's and 80's) . Although your observations are 'on the money', I have reservations about the broad generalizations made concerning marriage. I recognize some of that comes from my background in psychology. I went more in depth with my comments since you asked for feedback.
In terms of feedback on the comments, my own observation is that married people sometimes have difficulty with single friends. They keep setting them up with others and playing matchmaker. I am glad that you are standing your ground concerning uninteresting men.
Regards,
J D Murrah
Thanks for the feedback JD, and your opinions. I learned a lot. Happy hubbing.
Ananta65 3 years ago
Darn, I was about to propose to you ;)
Liked te hub, some to-the-point observations that I (also from experience and observation rather than from statistics and research) agree to.